Melinda's Books

Melinda's Books

Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday Funny for Writers 4/30/12

As I slave away at the computer editing my WIP, Time Changes Everything, I have to wonder when will this ever end? At what point do we stop editing and move on? My goal is to have Time Changes Everything off to my intended publisher (the normal route as opposed to the challenge I previously entered) by the end of May. I'm pacing myself... but I am so ready to move on. My new WIP, Frequent Flyer, is screaming to come out.

As I edit, I remembered the poem by Taylor Mali called "The The Impotence of Proofreading" and wanted to share it with you. It is quite funny. I always wished I could share with my students, but it's a bit inappropriate. So, for you adult-minded editors out there...ENJOY!


And here is a print version of his poem. I hope you listen to it, because he is hilarious!

The the impotence of proofreadingBy Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com
Has this ever happened to you?
You work very horde on a paper for English clash
And then get a very glow raid (like a D or even a D=)
and all because you are the word’s liverwurst spoiler.
Proofreading your peppers is a matter of the the utmost impotence.
This is a problem that affects manly, manly students.
I myself was such a bed spiller once upon a term
that my English teacher in my sophomoric year,
Mrs. Myth, said I would never get into a good colleague.
And that’s all I wanted, just to get into a good colleague.
Not just anal community colleague,
because I wouldn’t be happy at anal community colleague.
I needed a place that would offer me intellectual simulation,
I really need to be challenged, challenged dentally.
I know this makes me sound like a stereo,
but I really wanted to go to an ivory legal collegue.
So I needed to improvement
or gone would be my dream of going to Harvard, Jail, or Prison
(in Prison, New Jersey).
So I got myself a spell checker
and figured I was on Sleazy Street.
But there are several missed aches
that a spell chukker can’t can’t catch catch.
For instant, if you accidentally leave a word
your spell exchequer won’t put it in you.
And God for billing purposes only
you should have serial problems with Tori Spelling
your spell Chekhov might replace a word
with one you had absolutely no detention of using.
Because what do you want it to douch?
It only does what you tell it to douche.
You’re the one with your hand on the mouth going clit, clit, clit.
It just goes to show you how embargo
one careless clit of the mouth can be.
Which reminds me of this one time during my Junior Mint.
The teacher read my entire paper on A Sale of Two Titties
out loud to all of my assmates.
I’m not joking, I’m totally cereal.
It was the most humidifying experience of my life,
being laughed at pubically.
So do yourself a flavor and follow these two Pisces of advice:
One: There is no prostitute for careful editing.
And three: When it comes to proofreading,
the red penis your friend.
Happy Writing and don't forget to PROOFREAD!
Melinda

3 comments:

  1. haha - that's great! Thanks for sharing! But yes...definitely not appropriate for your students! :-)

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  2. Haha that's so funny. I don't know what I'd do without spell checker - I can spell, but can't type, especially if I'm trying to do it quick! :)

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